i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
