I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it