Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.

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(954): View more from Florida

I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.

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(214): View more from Texas

He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.

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(845): View more from New York

Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(510): View more from California

speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage

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(224): View more from Illinois

My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

(312): View more from Illinois

Elaborate

(224): View more from Illinois

Strip Mario-Kart

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(520): View more from Arizona

Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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(443): View more from Maryland

So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.

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(785): View more from Kansas

yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.

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