So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO