Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book

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(303): I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book http://tfl.nu/0iyr

Replies (18) Good night (1534) Bad night (6750)
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(631): View more from New York

Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson

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(631): Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson http://tfl.nu/hv6u

Replies (27) Good night (813) Bad night (2650)
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(636): View more from Missouri

I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.

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(636): I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks. http://tfl.nu/gzvr

Replies (40) Good night (1127) Bad night (4514)
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(802): View more from Vermont

you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

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(802): you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin http://tfl.nu/5vsk

Replies (15) Good night (5014) Bad night (1065)
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(619): View more from California

I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

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(619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf

Replies (15) Good night (6872) Bad night (1530)
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(313): View more from Michigan

She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

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(313): She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list. http://tfl.nu/ifsp

Replies (20) Good night (8063) Bad night (1131)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours

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(403): Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours http://tfl.nu/wscg

Replies (9) Good night (1432) Bad night (693)
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(904): View more from Florida

I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.

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(904): I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really. http://tfl.nu/399x

Replies (4) Good night (1447) Bad night (534)
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(224): View more from Illinois

Stop whining I left you with whiskey

(224): View more from Illinois

YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.

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(224): Stop whining I left you with whiskey (1-224): YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE. http://tfl.nu/439l

Replies (6) Good night (2191) Bad night (808)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.

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(973): They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard. http://tfl.nu/pxmg

Replies (1) Good night (1122) Bad night (429)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.

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(734): Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword. http://tfl.nu/ec7y

Replies (1) Good night (958) Bad night (452)
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(217): View more from Illinois

The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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(217): The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car.. http://tfl.nu/pl9j

Replies (7) Good night (716) Bad night (1159)
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(518): View more from New York

The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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(518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga

Replies (7) Good night (754) Bad night (1231)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.

(647): View more from Ontario

Hey, I'm your guy

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(613): I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this. (647): Hey, I'm your guy http://tfl.nu/p6u8

Replies (2) Good night (1119) Bad night (346)
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(319): View more from Iowa

You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin

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(319): You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin http://tfl.nu/3xwn

Replies (5) Good night (200) Bad night (675)

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