Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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