dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dating After Heartbreak
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.