He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.