So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw