4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
