dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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