omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday