And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
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hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.