Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

(1-205): View more from Alabama

yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

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(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7

Replies (62) Good night (10726) Bad night (874)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous

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(608): I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous http://tfl.nu/1bk0

Replies (14) Good night (5472) Bad night (572)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

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(952): I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/xnge

Replies (55) Good night (10729) Bad night (1365)
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(941): View more from Florida

Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.

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(941): Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us. http://tfl.nu/wjn1

Replies (9) Good night (4477) Bad night (1061)
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(713): View more from Texas

Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship

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(713): Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship http://tfl.nu/tzas

Replies (14) Good night (2551) Bad night (1096)
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(772): View more from Florida

You took a bar mat shot.

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(772): You took a bar mat shot. http://tfl.nu/02d5

Replies (11) Good night (847) Bad night (2730)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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(202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r

Replies (3) Good night (700) Bad night (1645)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan

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(717): I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan http://tfl.nu/f98a

Replies (14) Good night (2200) Bad night (764)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first

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(312): Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first http://tfl.nu/6e2a

Replies (3) Good night (967) Bad night (1110)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots

(1-410): View more from Maryland

Cant promise that last part. I won't die though

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(410): Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots (1-410): Cant promise that last part. I won't die though http://tfl.nu/qr7s

Replies (1) Good night (1178) Bad night (519)
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(765): View more from Indiana

He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.

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(765): He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever. http://tfl.nu/9j5e

Replies (5) Good night (1248) Bad night (905)
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(512): View more from Texas

I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!

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(512): I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS! http://tfl.nu/2uiu

Replies (6) Good night (2352) Bad night (627)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.

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(250): i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship. http://tfl.nu/cj66

Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (331)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates

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(732): look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates http://tfl.nu/bp7h

Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (632)
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(714): View more from California

Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?

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(714): Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top? http://tfl.nu/jf8l

Replies (2) Good night (576) Bad night (376)

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