Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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