Someone shit on the floor
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"