I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.