Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize