oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going