I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just high enough for therapy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
