Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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