What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Houston, we have a squirter
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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