I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
