I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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