nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
