So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
