Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My ATM looks so different sober.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
