Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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