So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
