She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
