Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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