I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
