nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
