Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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