New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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