sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
