he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
