At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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