I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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