I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
