Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
