Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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