sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
