$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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