I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
