Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
