So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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