Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
