Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
