9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
