Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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