You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
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Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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