May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
