he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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