Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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