You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
