worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
