very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
