why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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