so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.