she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma