I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?