Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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