My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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