Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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