Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
