i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
