That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
