What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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