dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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