It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
