y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
