I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ruined the universe
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
