Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
