Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
