i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
