It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
