I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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