a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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