Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
