It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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